It's been a while....I hate when life gets in the way of my negativity!!
DAY THIRTY TWO: I’ve been doing good at eating healthy, which at work usually consists of a frozen, tasteless Lean Cuisine. It was pretty easy for me to get bored with “chicken” and “sauce” with some variety of “vegetable” every day (getting bored with things is something I do fairly quickly) so I opted to try for something new. Soup! Why not, it’s like 2 degrees in Chicago. So I get those little microwaveable Healthy Choice soup things, awesome 100 -120 calories…can’t beat it. Then I eat one, and read the label (closer this time) – oh I’m sorry, didn’t realize this small container was 2 servings! I’m such a cow for eating it all….are you f’ing kidding me? 2 servings for whom? A midget with a stomach the size of a pea? I mean, I could fit the amount of noodles/vegetables in one hand. Now, I know 200 – 240 calories is still good, but it’s just such bullshit 2 servings! Who are they fooling, just put 1 serving and say 200 calories...does this technique really trick anyone into buying it thinking it's heathier than it is...oh wait, I did. I never did understand how they determine what a serving is….have you ever looked at a box of Mac and Cheese? I’m sorry, but I can eat that by myself! That is not enough to feed 2.5 grown people…and why the .5, if you are truly supposed to eat one serving, what are you to do with the .5 left over, make two boxes and combine the .5? Optimistic spin: I ran for 10 minutes and burned off that other serving size of soup. Anyway, I’ll get off my serving size soapbox because I have to discuss one of the most ridiculous things I have EVER heard. EVER…I was listening to the radio the other day and this woman was talking about dying her hair….her pubic hair. Okay, benefit of the doubt, she wants the curtains to match the drapes….um, not so much. She had tried to dye her hair like a neon yellow/green tennis ball color – she admitted to wanting her pubic region to look like a tennis ball….wtf? Why? A TENNIS BALL??? Was she dating Andy Roddick? Isn’t the point to get balls to come near your area not your area to resemble a ball??? I couldn’t take it, so I turned it off, but not before hearing mention of something called Pink Button….if you haven’t heard about it, hear about it. Very disturbing…I see the ads in the future. Are you tired of your vagina color? Do you want your lips to look pinker? Have men complained that they just aren’t attracted to you because your womanhood just doesn’t look fresh enough? Then use Pink Button….dye your button pink! Sick, I see two possible customer markets….one, porn stars (easy) and two, older women who think that making their sagging vagina pink will fool a man into forgetting that she’s slept with over 50 men because it “looks” young down there….men, would you be fooled? If I were a man, I’d be disturbed if I pulled down her underwear and saw bright pink lips staring back at me. Okay, I’m supposed to go to dinner now….kind of lost my appetite. Optimistic spin: They also serve margaritas at this restaurant!! Maybe it'll help me forget about the 30 women that bought Pink Button and are currently dying their vaginas pinker. God I hope so.
Note: JD Salinger passed away today. Yes, I know he was a 91 year old recluse that died of natural causes, but it just made me really sad. I think part of me always wished he would write one last masterpiece that I could read 50 times before I die, give me another character to love, more sarcasm to revel in....he will be missed. "What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though" ~ JD Salinger
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