Day 224: I love my neighbors' Swedish cum

DAY 224: People in my building have this habit of leaving things out for others to take. They leave these things on the nice table across from the elevator on my floor – this table is there for decoration, it has flowers on it, a nice painting above it and now, thanks to the charitable residents in my condominium a plethora of free goods – old beaten up romance novels, read copies of Variety, lamps from 1970 that probably don’t work, Jell-O, old clothes, empty boxes, dishes that have seen better days…it gets me quite upset because I mean, it’s dangerous to leave this stuff out here - myself and the other residents often end up in a hallway brawl over who gets the holey t-shirt with the special yellow armpit stains. Really…these people should think of others before tempting them with their treasures.  Optimistic spin:  Maybe I can find some items to give my mom for her birthday - she loves Jell-O. 

I haven’t much else today, but I will leave you with some of MY treasures I’ve come across lately:

Swedish Christmas

Apparently this is a Christmas greeting from a Swedish company:

I can’t find the translation for the lovely title – it either means cum in love or I love cum…you pick…but this is the translation for the rest:

"We want to allow as many trees as possible to live - even after Christmas. In order to reduce to paper, we have this year opted not to send out any Christmas cards. Instead, we want these lines to wish all our customers, suppliers and other stakeholders a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!"

I think I love cum is the more appropriate title.

Religious Soliciting
This was a couple months ago, I was people watching on 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, CA.

Some of these mormons (?) were singing while others were passing out literature…I don’t why I found it amusing. Maybe because it was a weekday at about 3 pm, maybe because they were soliciting members in Santa Monica on a street filled of ungrateful rich teenagers and clueless tourists…not sure, but it warranted a picture. Sorry if I didn’t give it justice, but it made my 2 minutes that day.

Day 218: I got a D in Optimism

DAY 218: I found a quiz online the other day. I’m a sucker for quizzes – especially the ones in Cosmo (insert sarcastic tone).  If you’re interested you can go online right now at cosmopolitan.com and find out if:

• You are too good to your man (I’m a Soul Mate Seeker)
• You know when a guy likes you (I’m a Man Reading Mama)

• You are an oversharer or mysterious (I’m a Hushed Honey)

• You are obsessed with your ex (I’m a Better-Off-Without-Him Babe)

• You are too picky when it comes to guys (Fair and Balanced Babe)

• Your BFF is really on your side (Soul Sister...great now that Train song is stuck in my head...again)

To be fair I had to test them all out (I’m pretty surprised about the Man Reading Mama actually – I’m notoriously terrible at knowing when a guy likes me)…but here’s the thing…if you don’t know the answer to any of these things, you probably deep down already know the answer…you are an oversharer who is obsessed with your ex, who is your ex because you smothered him, so now you are too picky about guys because no one is as good as your ex, who by the way, is now dating your BFF which means she is NOT on your side.  But I’m not going to lie…I still like to take these for fun, to see if I can be honest and not choose all Cs because I know that is the option I want to be or to see if Cosmo quiz writers really do know me. Which they don’t because usually I have to pick between two options, so I give myself a B and ½ or a C and D…it makes for difficult scoring. Optimistic spin: None of these determine the course of my life (like some of those people who take those job tests that tell you what job you should get) and I’m scoring myself, so if I don’t like the results, I can go back and change my answers :)  Which I NEVER do…honest…

Anyway, to my point. I found a quiz online that peaked my interest. I figured I’d get a kick out taking it – to see how accurate it is. The quiz was called…Are you Optimistic? Hello - can it be more perfect??  I was slightly worried it might tell me that I’ve become an optimist since the beginning of my journey to optimism (Oh wait, isn't that the goal?). Well, apparently not…the quiz was dead on. These were my “snapshot” results (you had to pay to get the “full” report…no thanks.)

RESULTS: 64 out of 100 (I’m assuming 100 is delusionally optimistic and 0 is suicidal, so for me 64 ain’t so shabby – even if it is technically a D!!)  According to your responses, your perspective of humankind is rather cynical.  You often assume the worst of people, and will usually distrust their motives.  Instead of giving others the benefit of the doubt and accept what they say or do at face value, you take a much more self-protective stance. Unless proven otherwise, you generally refuse to believe in other people's good intentions and more often than not, will withhold your trust.  Although this perspective may protect you from being taken advantage of, you could definitely benefit from being a little more trusting. Your belief that many people are fundamentally bad can lead to a rather pessimistic outlook, that is, if you don't already have one. Unlike their less positive counterparts, optimists will at least try to find the good in even the most difficult of people, and are much more willing to place their faith in others. Although this doesn't mean that you should trust the good intentions of everyone you meet, a leap of faith every once in a while couldn't hurt.

Optimistic spin: My pessimistic perspective prevents me from falling for the telemarketers selling you magazines and the deal that is just too good to be true and it means legally, I always cover my ass. Plus, I already knew all this, which means I’m highly self aware…and I guess it’s a good thing especially if it promotes a change, which it has…hence the blog and the attempt at being optimistic which if you ask people that know me, I think has been working...slow and steady wins the race. 

Day 217: Pink, Jack or Jedi? I’m in for all 3!

DAY 217: I’ve vowed to blog at least once a week; I made this vow last week…I failed. In my first week. So much for being successful at this blogging business. I’m renewing this vow, today, right now…I promise to try to blog once a week…note the key word…try. Then again, as Yoda would say, there is no try, only do. Optimistic spin: I am not a Jedi and don’t know Yoda…wait, that’s not optimistic, that sucks. I want to be a Jedi and Yoda (while semi-creepy being all little, wrinkly and green with white ear hair that spouts like Einstein’s fro) seems like a cool dude.

But, is a penis a requirement to be a Jedi? I guess could be a guy, I think it would be fun to be a guy…probably until I was actually a guy. A friend of mine said she could never be a guy because then she’d have to worry about getting laid all the time. She said she already thinks about that often and since guys think about it 10 times more and have to try way harder it would suck to be a guy – simply because it’s not as easy to get laid…she has a point. But I have to say, if I were a guy, I’d be like G. Love or Jack Johnson, I’d be chill. I'd play my guitar, be awesome and the girls would flock to me because well I'd be playing a guitar and I'd be awesome. Those that wouldn't flock, well…I wouldn't want them because they are the kind of girls that don't like the guitar or people that are awesome. And those kind of girls don’t want to get laid anyway. I wouldn't be the dick that doesn't call or a player, I'd just be...no trying to get laid, it would just happen. Actually, you know who I’d be? I'd be Pink. Randall “Pink” Floyd from Dazed and Confused mixed with a little Jack Johnson. Optimistic spin: I am not a guy (which is good news for my boyfriend.)  I don’t have to worry about my nuts chaffing when I play sports (note: I don’t really play sports, but as a guy, I’d have to.)  I also don’t have to worry about getting an erection during a massage or my mom walking in on me when I’m jerking off in the bathroom. I guess being a girl isn’t that bad. Plus, I googled the Jedi question and you don’t have to be a male to be a Jedi. Bonus!

Here's a question for all my readers (what few there are)...females, what do you love most about being a girl and what would be the worst part of being a guy?  Males, give me your take too (best about being a guy, etc.)

I know this entry is shorter than previous entries...I think this may be the key to blogging more often...limiting my entries to less than a million sentences.  Don't be mad, they may be shorter, but hopefully more often.  Until next time...

 

P.S - If I was a guy and a Jedi...I bet I'd LOVE this movie...