Day 310: I love Kevin Bacon’s Bits!!

DAY 310:  This is a new revelation to me…I’ve always known that I liked Kevin Bacon, I mean Footloose anyone? And after watching that oh, 1,000 times throughout childhood, how could I NOT be in love with Ren, the city boy who brings music and dance into the little conservative, scared county town and in the process saves the Preacher’s daughter (who I've always hated...jealousy I suppose) from an abusive, jerk of a boyfriend and a life of rebellion…rebellion the wrong way of course, because Ren rebelled, he played his Men at Work and danced in the warehouse, BUT he used the Bible to explain that they leaped and danced before the Lord, so…it was all okay. Okay…sorry…can you tell I LOVE Footloose. And to think, my boyfriend has never had the pleasure of viewing this classic. Tisk tisk. Optimistic spin: I own it on DVD – double pack Footloose and Flashdance…he will be watching them both.  Speaking of Footloose - how does everyone feel about the Zac Efron edition that is rumored to be in the making??

 

Anyway, recently, on Saturday afternoon to be exact, I caught Tremors on the television and I realized I freakin’ LOVE Kevin Bacon. I mean, why else would I be glued to the tv unable to move to retrieve myself food or water or do one of the 20 things I had to accomplish that afternoon – it wasn't for Michael Gross (aka Mr. Keaton) – no, it was because I LOVE KEVIN BACON! (Cue bright lights and the choir music ahhhhhhh) I felt like a had seen God and he had told me my purpose in life.  So I turn to my boyfriend as say, I love Kevin Bacon, don’t you? I don’t realize this is wrong until he looks at me as if I have a penis growing out of my forehead. Optimistic spin: I didn’t have a penis growing out of my forehead…he just thought it was a very random, but funny comment. Phew!

I don’t know why I felt the need to share this with the world, but if feels good to say it – to say it loud and say it proud. I love Kevin Bacon!!! Optimistic spin: I don’t love Gary Busey and I didn’t pay $4000 for a bacon bust of Kevin Bacon, but I will be naming my first pooch Kevin Bacon...don't try to steal it, that's just tacky.   

 

Just in case you were curious and TOO lazy to click on the link, here's the bits of Kevin Bacon :)  (too bad it looks more like Conan O'Brien than Kevin Bacon...however, I am a big fan of the Cone-meister as well...)

 

Day 285: I'm Running the Chicago Marathon!!

Did I trick you??  If you know me, probably not...marathons scare me.  I'm not a lover or hater of marathons or the seemingly increasing number of marathon participants.  In fact, I have admiration for the amount of devotion and drive it takes to train for a marathon and well, complete one. What I am sick of is hearing about said devotion and training - I don't know if this is driven my sheer jealousy that the mere thought of running 26 miles makes me turn red, cramp up and hyperventilate yet these people practice by running more miles than I've ever attempted or if its just plain old boredom from hearing Betsy ran 5 miles this morning or Petey is headed to the gym to run 6...bravo, pat pat, good job...keep running, so I don't have to, in fact, run so often you don't have time to facebook about how often you run. Okay, there's definitely a little jealousy...I've never been a runner, I've tried too - I just don't see how anyone finds it fun.  But to those of you that do - good luck today!

I'll leave you with a conversation I overheard the other day, two people were talking about the Chicago Marathon this weekend:

Girl:  I mean, that's so bad for you, marathons, it's really bad for your heart.

Guy:  Yeah, that's why I don't run them.

Who here truly believe that's the reason this guy doesn't run the marathon?  Probably about as many people that believed I was :)

Go Bears!!

Day 224: I love my neighbors' Swedish cum

DAY 224: People in my building have this habit of leaving things out for others to take. They leave these things on the nice table across from the elevator on my floor – this table is there for decoration, it has flowers on it, a nice painting above it and now, thanks to the charitable residents in my condominium a plethora of free goods – old beaten up romance novels, read copies of Variety, lamps from 1970 that probably don’t work, Jell-O, old clothes, empty boxes, dishes that have seen better days…it gets me quite upset because I mean, it’s dangerous to leave this stuff out here - myself and the other residents often end up in a hallway brawl over who gets the holey t-shirt with the special yellow armpit stains. Really…these people should think of others before tempting them with their treasures.  Optimistic spin:  Maybe I can find some items to give my mom for her birthday - she loves Jell-O. 

I haven’t much else today, but I will leave you with some of MY treasures I’ve come across lately:

Swedish Christmas

Apparently this is a Christmas greeting from a Swedish company:

I can’t find the translation for the lovely title – it either means cum in love or I love cum…you pick…but this is the translation for the rest:

"We want to allow as many trees as possible to live - even after Christmas. In order to reduce to paper, we have this year opted not to send out any Christmas cards. Instead, we want these lines to wish all our customers, suppliers and other stakeholders a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!"

I think I love cum is the more appropriate title.

Religious Soliciting
This was a couple months ago, I was people watching on 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, CA.

Some of these mormons (?) were singing while others were passing out literature…I don’t why I found it amusing. Maybe because it was a weekday at about 3 pm, maybe because they were soliciting members in Santa Monica on a street filled of ungrateful rich teenagers and clueless tourists…not sure, but it warranted a picture. Sorry if I didn’t give it justice, but it made my 2 minutes that day.

Day 218: I got a D in Optimism

DAY 218: I found a quiz online the other day. I’m a sucker for quizzes – especially the ones in Cosmo (insert sarcastic tone).  If you’re interested you can go online right now at cosmopolitan.com and find out if:

• You are too good to your man (I’m a Soul Mate Seeker)
• You know when a guy likes you (I’m a Man Reading Mama)

• You are an oversharer or mysterious (I’m a Hushed Honey)

• You are obsessed with your ex (I’m a Better-Off-Without-Him Babe)

• You are too picky when it comes to guys (Fair and Balanced Babe)

• Your BFF is really on your side (Soul Sister...great now that Train song is stuck in my head...again)

To be fair I had to test them all out (I’m pretty surprised about the Man Reading Mama actually – I’m notoriously terrible at knowing when a guy likes me)…but here’s the thing…if you don’t know the answer to any of these things, you probably deep down already know the answer…you are an oversharer who is obsessed with your ex, who is your ex because you smothered him, so now you are too picky about guys because no one is as good as your ex, who by the way, is now dating your BFF which means she is NOT on your side.  But I’m not going to lie…I still like to take these for fun, to see if I can be honest and not choose all Cs because I know that is the option I want to be or to see if Cosmo quiz writers really do know me. Which they don’t because usually I have to pick between two options, so I give myself a B and ½ or a C and D…it makes for difficult scoring. Optimistic spin: None of these determine the course of my life (like some of those people who take those job tests that tell you what job you should get) and I’m scoring myself, so if I don’t like the results, I can go back and change my answers :)  Which I NEVER do…honest…

Anyway, to my point. I found a quiz online that peaked my interest. I figured I’d get a kick out taking it – to see how accurate it is. The quiz was called…Are you Optimistic? Hello - can it be more perfect??  I was slightly worried it might tell me that I’ve become an optimist since the beginning of my journey to optimism (Oh wait, isn't that the goal?). Well, apparently not…the quiz was dead on. These were my “snapshot” results (you had to pay to get the “full” report…no thanks.)

RESULTS: 64 out of 100 (I’m assuming 100 is delusionally optimistic and 0 is suicidal, so for me 64 ain’t so shabby – even if it is technically a D!!)  According to your responses, your perspective of humankind is rather cynical.  You often assume the worst of people, and will usually distrust their motives.  Instead of giving others the benefit of the doubt and accept what they say or do at face value, you take a much more self-protective stance. Unless proven otherwise, you generally refuse to believe in other people's good intentions and more often than not, will withhold your trust.  Although this perspective may protect you from being taken advantage of, you could definitely benefit from being a little more trusting. Your belief that many people are fundamentally bad can lead to a rather pessimistic outlook, that is, if you don't already have one. Unlike their less positive counterparts, optimists will at least try to find the good in even the most difficult of people, and are much more willing to place their faith in others. Although this doesn't mean that you should trust the good intentions of everyone you meet, a leap of faith every once in a while couldn't hurt.

Optimistic spin: My pessimistic perspective prevents me from falling for the telemarketers selling you magazines and the deal that is just too good to be true and it means legally, I always cover my ass. Plus, I already knew all this, which means I’m highly self aware…and I guess it’s a good thing especially if it promotes a change, which it has…hence the blog and the attempt at being optimistic which if you ask people that know me, I think has been working...slow and steady wins the race. 

Day 217: Pink, Jack or Jedi? I’m in for all 3!

DAY 217: I’ve vowed to blog at least once a week; I made this vow last week…I failed. In my first week. So much for being successful at this blogging business. I’m renewing this vow, today, right now…I promise to try to blog once a week…note the key word…try. Then again, as Yoda would say, there is no try, only do. Optimistic spin: I am not a Jedi and don’t know Yoda…wait, that’s not optimistic, that sucks. I want to be a Jedi and Yoda (while semi-creepy being all little, wrinkly and green with white ear hair that spouts like Einstein’s fro) seems like a cool dude.

But, is a penis a requirement to be a Jedi? I guess could be a guy, I think it would be fun to be a guy…probably until I was actually a guy. A friend of mine said she could never be a guy because then she’d have to worry about getting laid all the time. She said she already thinks about that often and since guys think about it 10 times more and have to try way harder it would suck to be a guy – simply because it’s not as easy to get laid…she has a point. But I have to say, if I were a guy, I’d be like G. Love or Jack Johnson, I’d be chill. I'd play my guitar, be awesome and the girls would flock to me because well I'd be playing a guitar and I'd be awesome. Those that wouldn't flock, well…I wouldn't want them because they are the kind of girls that don't like the guitar or people that are awesome. And those kind of girls don’t want to get laid anyway. I wouldn't be the dick that doesn't call or a player, I'd just be...no trying to get laid, it would just happen. Actually, you know who I’d be? I'd be Pink. Randall “Pink” Floyd from Dazed and Confused mixed with a little Jack Johnson. Optimistic spin: I am not a guy (which is good news for my boyfriend.)  I don’t have to worry about my nuts chaffing when I play sports (note: I don’t really play sports, but as a guy, I’d have to.)  I also don’t have to worry about getting an erection during a massage or my mom walking in on me when I’m jerking off in the bathroom. I guess being a girl isn’t that bad. Plus, I googled the Jedi question and you don’t have to be a male to be a Jedi. Bonus!

Here's a question for all my readers (what few there are)...females, what do you love most about being a girl and what would be the worst part of being a guy?  Males, give me your take too (best about being a guy, etc.)

I know this entry is shorter than previous entries...I think this may be the key to blogging more often...limiting my entries to less than a million sentences.  Don't be mad, they may be shorter, but hopefully more often.  Until next time...

 

P.S - If I was a guy and a Jedi...I bet I'd LOVE this movie...

 

Day 197: A keg a day will keep the doctor away!

DAY 197: I went camping this weekend (Days 192-194). Camping…no electricity, no running water, camping. Okay, that’s not exactly true. The campground has a bathroom with stalls, toilet paper, sinks, soap, paper towels, and showers and mirrors (which let’s be honest…when you are camping, no one needs mirrors. It’s a recipe for disaster. While camping one just needs to go with the natural side of things…that includes your face). So I was able to shower and shit in peace, but our actual campsite did not have those things. We arrived at around 3:00 p.m. on Friday with 15 of us in tow and immediately tapped a keg (and we had vodka and rum…oh and food and games). We played whiffle ball, conversated, and played drinking games. We got yelled at to turn our music off and shut up…a few times. The last of which was at around 2 a.m. (or so I’m told). Yet the next morning, we were all up bright at early (say 7:30ish or so) for our WHITEWATER RAFTING TRIP!! (and for some reason were surprised that the keg was almost dry). You see, we aren’t your average, let’s sit around, smoke pot, and talk about nothing for three days campers…we like adventure, we like risk, we like to DRINK…a lot. But the real adventure comes in with our trip down the roaring rapids in a one person ‘fun’yak…I’m not going to lie, while the guide was telling us about all the ways we can (and will) fall and get stuck and what to do to save yourself (apparently keeping your oar in hand is half the battle), I was looking for the easiest escape path. I had rafted before, but the water levels were HIGH, it was a Class 5 (which means MORE dangerous) and we had like 8 people plus a guide in the SAME boat. This time, we were on a smaller, class 3 river, the water levels were lower BUT it was just me, in a raft, with an oar, by myself.

Still I charged ahead as if I hadn’t a care in the world while I was quietly contemplating all the things that could go wrong. So I am one of the last to put my ‘fun’yak in the river and I start off great, learning the rhythm of paddling, enjoying the scenery until BAM…I’m stuck on a rock. I try all the ways to get unstuck they taught me and it works…then I have to do it again, and again…at about the 5th time (I’m sure it was more), I’m not having fun anymore and the river just looks like translucent liquid shit…what about this is adventurous? I continue down the river and I bump into a friend of mine who is stuck on a rock…I in my boat, bump into his boat and then push him off the rock and he goes along…I don’t…I’m stuck…so much for being nice…all the ways to get unstuck don’t work…I sit, I contemplate…what would Chuck Norris do…and then I start to tear up and think about how much this suck…Chuck would not do that, FAIL. Then I decide, fuck this…I’m going to OWN this river and I try to get unstuck again…nope, I suck, the rock is holding onto me like it wants my life or my tears…whichever I give up first. Then the nice guide (who I can’t tell is cute or not because he has on a helmet and sunglasses) comes up next to me and chats with me about where I want to go once he gets me unstuck – then he pulls my boat, sets me free and I’m on my way…I get out into the open river and notice that ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE GONE…I’m all alone. I hate rafting.

Until I realize, I’m in nature, I’m alone, I’m paddling, I’m not getting stuck…it’s damn pretty. And then I come to the first real drop! My boat gets turned and the guide yells…straighten up! Well fucker I’m trying!! My weakling NON-Chuck Norris arms aren’t working that well. So….I go down the rapid…backwards…and hell, it was damn fun!! I go down more, mostly forward, and I love it (I do go down one more backwards and the guide looks at me and then tells the next people to NOT do what I did…I RULE!)…I don’t fall…I make it to the end…I have the most MASSIVE blister on my finger, but guess what I DON’T CARE…I DIDN’T FALL!! Not once…and LOTS of people fell…which means I RULE!!

That's ME, going down backwards!!

We get off the river and well, we get another keg – it’s about 1:30 p.m. By 9:30 p.m., it’s gone…gone, dead, we question whether they gave us a full keg…it was full, we’re just drunk. So…to the bar we went (did I mention the campground also has a bar??) and had a great night drinking and dancing (I’d tell you more details, but honestly, you wouldn’t even get the jokes and the stories wouldn’t do the weekend justice, so I’ll just keep those for me)…BUT the whole trip was great…my stomach literally hurt from laughing (and so did the rest of my body from rafting). I couldn’t have asked for anything more…thank you rafting for making me love my life a little bit more this week. And thank you camping for reminding me how awesome my friends are and what it feels like to REALLY laugh. It should hurt and it should be the best hurt in the world.

This was a pretty optimistic entry, so I don’t really feel the need to do an optimistic spin, but for consistency’s sake I will. Optimistic spin: I came home with only one mosquito bite, I love my boyfriend even more, I feel great (maybe it was the keg a day), I have memories and pictures that still are making me laugh (and will forever), and I am not this guy, poor guy…we have pictures documenting the epic miscalculation you made of your awesomeness.

Can you see his hand??

Day 191: It wasn’t quite Deliverance, but it might have been hell.

DAY 191: Wow…it’s been a while. 24 days to be exact. Good news is, I’ve had nothing negative to really write about. Plus I’ve been really busy with a second job (that I will write about at some point.) Bad news is…now I do. But wait, that’s probably good news because I know you’ve all been missing my spritely brand of pessimism. So I’ll just get to it.  No pretty pictures...just story.

After 3 debaucherous drunken days of celebrating the fact that a bunch of white, slave owning aristocratic males didn’t want to pay their taxes, I had to head hungover (so much so that I couldn’t finish my McDonald’s fries) to the lovely O’Hare airport in order to hop a flight for work to Baltimore. Now I’ve said I’m not going to complain about work on this blog, and I’m not, but complaining about traveling for work…whole ‘nother ball game.

I get to the airport on July 5th (yes, I know…it was a set holiday at my office too…I had to work) and immediately notice something was off…I didn’t know if the travelers on this day were inbred hillbillies or if they were all still drunk or if it was just my tired, crabby mindset that made me hate everyone, but it seemed as though not one person understood what to do at an airport. So I maneuver my way around the hoards to security and realize, not only do the travelers SUCK, the workers do too…awesome. While the travelers crowd to get into security I try to make them realize this is not the line for security, they have to still walk, but no…they all wait for the woman to check their IDs…a good 2 minutes later she stops gossiping with her pal and says, oh go in there….ahhh, success. Optimistic spin: I didn’t hit anybody.

Security line moves without fail (surprisingly) and I get to go into a newly opened line. I zoom through (traveling so much makes me very good and getting that laptop and 1 qt. bag of 3 oz. liquids in and out) and go to get my stuff on the other side only to find 4 TSA agents in my way…gossiping and chatting about lunch. I patiently stand (and I am not a patient person) for them to move so I can take my barefoot feet over the belt and grab my flip flops. Finally, I say…excuse me and one of them moves, less than a foot. So I have to squeeze through…I’m convinced he just wanted me to rub my body near his (sick) and just as I go to grab my flip flops one of them goes into the rollers and gets pushed under the machine. Well the chatty cathys don’t notice so I just go on and crawl under that x-ray machine and grab it. Time to move on to the gate. Optimistic spin: I didn’t hit anybody.

After dodging some of the most idiotic travelers and being convinced all of the competent workers were given off July 5th, I get to my gate. I don’t have a seat (I already knew this, but hoped I would’ve already been assigned one)…so I wait, and I wait, and they board, and I wait…still no seat. They asked for volunteers, offering $400 traveling credit, but alas, I am still waiting…they call final boarding call, so I finally go to see what the deal is when I hear her say, we don’t’ need any more volunteers. Um, THEN WHY DON’T I HAVE A SEAT. I peek over the counter and there it is, the golden ticket, my name and a seat…I say, can I have that. Nope, wait. Then I hear them say to the counter girl…they are going to close the doors on these people, if they don’t go now…so I say…hey, can I have that. Still no…finally someone competent (as in, maybe has worked there over 1 day) steps in and gives me my ticket. Success! I’m on the plane. And about 10 minutes into the flight I realize so are 2 screaming children…wait, can I give back my seat? I survive…until I want to bitch slap the flight attendant. The beverage cart comes around and the guy next to me asks for hot tea. She asks him “How do you take it?” and he doesn’t understand right away, but then says “Oh, milk and 1 ½ spoons of sugar.” Okay, so maybe he doesn’t fly…no big deal. Apparently this particular flight attendant didn’t agree…maybe she was hungover too and wanted to slip those kids some Benadryl, but it’s no excuse for being the rudest flight attendant I’ve ever seen. She BLATANTLY makes fun of this guy to the other flight attendant right in front of him and calls him a “winner!” saying there is one on every flight. He asks her what she meant and asked if he made it hard on her, so she says no we just don’t have any spoons (with sarcasm dripping in sugar) and laughs. I’m not one that sticks up for people I don’t know, especially weird guys that sit next to me, but I really was about to Chuck Norris her face! I didn’t - figured I might get arrested. On a work trip. Anyway, he gets his tea and proceeds to spill it all over the leg of the guy sitting next to him…I stop feeling sorry for him…he’s an idiot. So 2 hours (or so…felt like 10) the flight lands and the screaming children deplane. Silence was never so golden. Optimistic spin: I didn’t get arrested, or hit anybody.

Other than the cab ride that smelled like a foreigner’s stinky armpit…the rest of my arriving in Baltimore was uneventful (apart from the terrible food, terrible service, a hotel clock set 20 minutes early, and no sleep) and I am happy to head back home the next day. I have a seat and the trip was a success. I get on the plane and find a shiny penny...my lucky penny...or not...then the plane is delayed for lightning in Chicago and this man across the aisle from apparently is under the impression the flight crew can control the lightning for him to get home…I mean, he is in the military and he has a connecting flight. He asks its 105 degrees out and we can't take off because of weather? Well, genius, it’s not temperature that stops a plane from flying. She tries to calmly tell him she can’t control the weather while he continues to berate her and the airline…giving the military a great name until she tells him that many crew members on the ramps have been killed from lightning so that is why they cannot go. Silence….very nice. We deplane, wait an hour or so, and reboard, wait an hour or so while he continues to talk and talk…people on the plane are cold to which he responds (outloud) its 105 degrees out and people are complaining they're cold (he must be stunned that it’s 105 degrees – I wonder to myself if he realizes it’s not 105 degrees on the plane…then, as he is talking on the phone I overheard him say… I asked her to check the weather in Chicago and she told me I might have to stay overnight, that's what I get?! They treat me like I'm the general public, I joined the military because I’m supposed to be treated different. Okay listen, I’m a big supporter of the military and they risk their lives for our freedom all the time, but this guy needs to be shot in the face. I don’t do that. Again, the whole getting arrested thing deters me. Optimistic spin: I didn’t have a gun and I will never have to see that man again in my life…oh, and I didn’t hit anybody. And just think my High School Dean told me I needed anger management classes….what a dumbass. I’ve got this shit under control.

Until next time…word to the wise. Don’t travel on July 5th and don’t travel with United. Oh and don’t hit anybody on an airplane…it just leads to trouble. Now when you’re river rafting…hit those hillbillies…they are scary sons of bitches…I’m going rafting this weekend, I’m packing heat.

Day 167: LOST: One birthday, last seen in Aurora, IL on June 20, 2009 (when I celebrated turning 30)

DAY 167:  Birthdays suck. They didn’t used to suck, but starting this year…they suck. I went into the 31st birthday not even caring, not really even thinking about it and not wanting to make a big deal about it and not because I was all sad about getting old, more because I just didn’t really care anymore…until a friend told me…what?! It’s your birthday…the one day of the year when it should be all about you, you have to celebrate and do something special! And I thought, you know, she’s right, so what if I’m 31 and an adult, I still want to celebrate and I thought I was going to celebrate. Shame on me for listening to her...BIG mistake...HUGE. The Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup on Wednesday and the Celebration parade and rally were scheduled for Friday….my birthday! Exciting, right? So after about 17 hrs of working two jobs on Thursday and 3 hours sleep, we headed to downtown Chicago to celebrate with the Hawks and we did…it was glorious, it was sweaty, it was exciting – it’s something I will never forget, but really, it wasn’t about me…and that’s okay…I’m glad I went, but I wasn’t fooling myself thinking the people out with me were out for my birthday and drinking in celebration of me especially since most of them didn’t even know it was my birthday…no no no…it was for the Hawks – which is what it should be – my birthday is every year, this had not happened in over 40 years.

So after the parade we went to a bar, drank some beers, and eventually headed home with the whole night ahead of us…a night to finally celebrate ME!! Or at least me being born...so, still tired, I fought the sandman and I showered, curled my hair and headed out. Unfortunately, the night didn’t have much in store for me…it had mac and cheese (which was very yummy), an hour nap followed by a night at a local bar with my sister, my boyfriend and one friend where I drank a couple beers and did a couple shots and went home a couple hours later. That’s it. Birthday over after some in person wishes of a happy birthday, a card or two, numerous facebook messages, and well...mac and cheese by candlelight, alone.  What happened to cake and candles? What happened to balloons or flowers? What happened to clowns, pony rides, and jumpy castles?? Okay, I never had any of those things, but if I did, I’d wonder where they went! What happened to cards and people joining you to celebrate? What happened to presents with bows and bright colored paper? What happened to excitement and surprise? What happened to it being a special day?  What happened to YAY – IT’S MY BIRTHDAY?!!

Yeah, not sure…maybe it’s worn out its life expectancy now that it’s over 30 years old or maybe it’s just hiding? Has anyone seen my birthday? I could’ve sworn we had an appointment on Friday, but it seems to be M.I.A. I know the date has passed, but I’d like to at least know it still exists and isn’t dead in a gutter somewhere being gnawed on by rats. Optimistic spin: If my birthday is dead, does this mean I will never get older??!!

And I know I'm probably being a big baby, well, maybe not BIG, maybe just a little because it could be worse...

Wait....that might not be so bad....

Day 155: Green and White do NOT go well with my Skin Tone

DAY 155:  Recently, I’ve been discovering a lot of pet peeves that I have. Just yesterday, I realized that no one (at my job) puts a comma before a conjunction to connect two independent clauses (didn’t we all learn in elementary school that a comma goes before the word ‘but’?) – it drives me crazy. However, I know that I over use the word ‘that’ so I’m sure I drive a “That Pet Peeve-ing” co-worker equally nuts. There are two others that I’m slowly learning I can’t stand – one having to do with me and one having to do with what is said to me. Jealousy and Lies. I think it’s pretty common to not like when you get jealous and not like when people lie to you, so why do people do it?

For all intensive purposes, I’m a relatively successful woman, I’m educated, gainfully employed, own a home, have family, friends and a boyfriend who are close by and usually pretty great. What’s there to be jealous of? Isn’t there always something though? (see post Beatles to the Rescue) It can be one little thing that turns you into the Incredible Hulk or Jealous Green Giant too. You’re already stressed and tired and worried or thinking about something and then this little thing that otherwise wouldn’t bother you and make you jealous, gets you right between the shoulder blades with a teeny little stab. I’ve never found myself to be a jealous person, but lately it seems to be creeping up on me more and more often. It leads to anger or distrust, and I just plain don’t like it. So, I did a little research on it and learned that jealousy in ingrained – it’s actually been observed in infants 5 months and older…5 months! We can’t even feed ourselves or express a single word, but we can be jealous. How am I to fight something that old?? Optimistic spin: I am not 5 months old, I am 30, and therefore, I have control over myself and my emotions. This jealousy will not get the better of me. At least, not this time.

What makes jealousy even worse is when it stems from or is coupled with a lie, a white lie maybe, but a lie nonetheless. For the most part, white lies are minor lies that are considered to be harmless or even for the ‘greater good’ – they are called ‘white’ because the color white is associated with good. We’ve all told them because we want someone to feel better, more secure, we want to avoid a fight…You ask your significant other if you look fat in this outfit (a question I never ask – it’s completely unfair…I just outright say, damn I feel fat in this - not asking for any response) or you ask a friend how you look after you are already out for the night….you don’t want to hear yes you look fat from the person you love and you don’t want your friend to tell you that you look like a beast when there is nothing you can do to fix it, but when does a white lie become a problem? For all of America, it becomes a problem when thousands of individuals try out for American Idol every year – assaulting our ear drums – someone, somewhere told them they sounded good – they didn’t want to hurt their feelings – a white lie – well now that white lie has not only led them to have an unrealistic dream, but it also led to that dream being crushed and forced American viewers to endure a little torture (hey, it’s torture when my sides hurt from laughing so hard….) Now for me personally, it’s a little different. For me, a white lie becomes a problem when you find out the truth and it makes you question everything that person tells you. Even white lies build up…

Lies start as early as 3 and by the age of 6, most kids lie a few times a day. This doesn’t stop either. Apparently research shows (don’t ask me what studies, I don’t know) that people lie constantly, that it is pervasive in everyday life…people tell two to three lies every 10 minutes, even conservative estimates indicate that we lie at least once a day. ‘They’ say people who deceive themselves also tend to be happier than people who do not, they are viewed as friendlier too – maybe that’s my problem…this whole pessimistic things is just because I don’t lie enough…Optimistic spin: I have just rationalized me telling more lies!!

But let’s be honest…while we think these little ‘white’ lies are harmless, no one likes to be lied to, even about seemingly trivial, irrelevant things. It damages intimacy and especially trust. You feel betrayed and wonder when it is they are telling the truth? I mean, it’s okay to lie about some things, maybe, but it hurts when someone tells you they love you and then ends up having a family with two kids, a dog named Tiger, and a cat named Azrael in another state. Not that this happened to me, but you get the picture. And we’re talking about white lies here anyway – that is CLEARLY a black lie. Optimistic spin: Let me reiterate…this has NEVER happened to me.

So, the next time you’re friend is acting jealous and it’s unwarranted and they ask you, am I being crazy? Say “hell yes you are!” Not, “No, not at all. It’s totally normal.” If she is being a loon, she’ll want to know it – otherwise, how can she change it? And if your girlfriend asks you if you’ve ever hooked up with someone, not because she’s jealous (yet…just kidding), don’t tell her no if the answer if really yes because you don’t want her to get mad or you don’t think it matters – because chances are it wouldn’t matter if you tell her the truth in the first place, but when she finds out the truth later and realizes you lied – well then it matters. And if your mom’s coffee is bad, don’t say you’re not in the mood for coffee and dash out to Dunkin’ Donuts, just tell her – your coffee tastes like tar and teach her how to make it better…I’m sure this will help many people in the future. And if your wife tells you she thinks you were flirting with a friend or co-worker, don’t deny it, it’ll just get her mad and she’ll wonder why you are not being truthful. Just say yeah, sometimes I flirt with Josie, but it doesn’t mean anything because I have no intention of getting involved with her...then add how beautiful your wife is and how no one is ever going to be better than her (hehe). And if your roommate asks you to watch a terrible TV show, don’t say you’ll watch it with her/him if you hate it and really don’t want to because then your roommate will think you like it and make you watch it all the time – and that would suck…for you. And if a boyfriend or girlfriend asks you about something, a fact or tidbit from the past, some little, stupid, non important fact – usually because they want to know you better maybe they are just curious, maybe someone said something that made them wonder - you may think it doesn’t matter – and as I said before, chances are it doesn’t, but just think to yourself before you tell a ‘white’ lie to ‘spare’ feelings, avoid a fight or because you think the truth ‘doesn’t matter’ –will the truth hurt more now coming from you or later coming from someone else? Because yes, the lie in and of itself might not be a big deal, but the fact that you lied about something so small and silly has to make one wonder…when is this person really telling me the truth? Optimistic spin: I don’t have one – lies suck. Period. However, I guess I should be glad they are white lies and not the “I have a family in another state” type of lies.

*Note: As I write this, an episode of Lie to Me is on and they are singing a song to a group of kids with these lyrics…perfect to close this with. “It’s feels alright and it’s more polite, but a lie’s still a lie even when it’s white. While it might be hard to say what’s true, would you want a white lie told to you?”

Day 154: If I call you a midge, be afraid...be very afraid.

DAY 154:  Since my last entry great things have been happening, I think it’s the MOST versatile blogger award, it makes things just fall at my feet in awe…in the last few days I’ve discovered a new invention, learned about a pretty fantastic new creature, and found a place where I can get books for free.

Sunday night was a great night here in Chicago – hot, only slightly humid – which might not sound great to some of you, but in Chicago in May, it’s about the best I can ask for. So after a long day of just lazying about with the boyfriend we decided to go steal my sister and her husband’s bikes to take a nice bike ride. We both said we are going to do this a lot this summer – time will tell if we do. On this night, we decided to ride over to the lake – now, I haven’t been on a bike in quite some time, especially a nice one, with gears and whatnot. About 5 blocks into our ride, I attempt to change gears and clunk, clunk – the chain falls off. It was all very sweet – us on a bike ride to the lake, my bf being sweet and getting off his bike to fix my chain. Me, being the independent woman I am, tell the bf I’ve got it and go to put the chain back on. He walks over and laughs, and says “Oh yeah, you’ve got it…look” and then proceeds to show me how there is this great hinge-type thing that pushes in and gives you slack on the chain which makes it infinitely easier to put it back on. I’m amazed and say “Wow, that’s pretty awesome, took them long enough to come up with that.” At which point my 6 years younger boyfriend says, with a smirk “It’s not new, it’s been on bikes since I was a kid…” Jerk! Optimistic spin: I can now put the chain back on without his help – thank you! And while he might have had this cool chain fixer thing on his bike when he was a kid – I had Garbage Pail Kids, Teddy Ruxpin, and got to ride my bike without a helmet when I was little (he probably did too, but for purposes of my “so there!” moment, let’s just pretend he didn’t).

After that the ride was really nice. We get to the lake and start our ride around the trail when I feel something – well a bunch of somethings hit me. I ask him, did we just ride through a swarm of bugs….yep! Awesome…then it happens again, and again, I couldn’t get away from these bugs – there are millions of them in a huge cloud that we ride through again and again. I duck hoping to dodge the swarm – nope, they still fly into my eye, up my nose, into my mouth…I try to be a trooper and keep riding, but eventually give up and ask him if we can get off the trail. As I’m picking a bug out of my eye and wiping my arms I ask him, what the hell are those things?! He, being the avid fly fisherman he is, tells me they are midges and apparently they make flies that resemble them to catch fish. Well fuck midges! I hate those little assholes. I mean they don’t bite (so he says), but damn they sure ruined my romantic ride around the lake! AND I just realized that my mom used to call me a little midge…was that her nice way of saying I was annoying and ruined her romantic ride around the lake? Optimistic spin: I found a midge on my bathroom floor shortly after and I killed it! Then drowned it in my toilet – that’s revenge!

These are midges at my nephew's baseball game - brutal little buggers!

So far, I’ve told you about the “new” invention I found, the “fantastic” new creature I learned about and now…the place where I get FREE books! Wait for it….wait for it…the library. I know! It’s great – you go there and they give you a card and you can take books…for free! I’ve been told other people already know about this and the child I once was knew about it too, but my adult self completely forgot. Until today when I needed to get a new book and well….had no money. So I walked over to this library place my boyfriend told me about, show them my Driver’s license and they give me this card and let me take 2 books home. I’m pretty stoked! Optimistic spin: If you didn’t realize yet…the books…were free!! No spin needed. And with that, I’m out – on a positive note for once…take that Tuesday that is really like Monday. I should have more Mondays that are really a Tuesday – it makes me more optimistic.  Or maybe it was this invitation I got today through my hotmail???

Day 152: Pity Participation Awards readily accepted...thank you!

DAY 152:  My blog has received an award. Yes, it’s true. The MOST versatile blogger award – it means, well, I’m not really sure what it means. In fact, it sort of feels like one of those awards every kid on the tee ball league gets just for participating, but since I’m technically just a tee ball player of sorts – in the blog world – I’m going to accept this award with a smile on my face and pretend I don’t know that it’s really just a participation award given to me by a friend and fellow blogger. Optimistic spin: This award means at least one person reads this blog. Yippee!!

As with everything else in this world, there are rules to accepting this award. Rules = Lame, but since I promised the giver of this prestigious honor I’d abide by these rules I must because even if I don’t like rules, I like liars even less…so, I must keep my word and be a rule-abiding individual at least for the day. Optimistic spin: It’s just a day, tomorrow, I’m going to loiter at the 7-11, jaywalk, turn on red between 4 and 7 p.m., and park my car on the street overnight….rebel, I know. Not everyone is as ballsy as me.

And now, to the RULZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ:

1. Thank the person who gave me this award.

2. Share seven things about myself.

3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who I deem fantastic.

4. Gloat all day long (by far the hardest rule of all….)

RULE #1

Thank you Laurenne from Humans are Funny. A girl, sorry, woman (now that she’s 30, I guess I should call her that) I’ve known since Hypercolor and MC Hammer pants were in style. She’s a human. She’s funny. She’s upfront. She’s a take no shit, awesome, adventurous person who started a blog when she was traveling around the world. You should read it if you don’t already. Start at the beginning – it gives you some sympathy when she’s complaining about living at the beach in Los Angeles currently. SOME sympathy. Honestly, she’s a pretty happy person. I don’t know how she does it. Oh and she loves men who speak Spanish and look like they should speak Spanish. Optimistic spin: I don’t live in L.A. so I only have to listen to her complain via the internet and I don’t have to meet the men she dates because I would not be able to communicate with them well since I don’t speak Spanish (see previous blog SWF seeking Sex, Stock, and Spanish)

RULE #2

Sharing. I don’t like sharing. From gummy bears to boyfriends, I don’t like to share things, but since I blog, I obviously don’t mind sharing thoughts, so I guess I can take it a step further and share seven scintillating things about myself.

1. I love monkeys. I love that they are stinky and throw poo. I think they are smart, funny and could watch them for hours and hours at the zoo. Hours and hours of watching them pick each other’s asses and bugs. I’d love to have a monkey, except for the fact that I recently saw a woman on the Today show that has no face because a monkey ripped it off. Hmmm….I’ll keep watching them from afar thanks.

2. My parents are divorced – a total of 5 times between the two of them. It’s amazing I still have any faith whatsoever in the institution of marriage. I didn’t for a while, but as I grow older and a little more optimistic, I think it can work, but it’s hard work…and I don’t believe anyone that says the opposite. I think if you go into it knowing that and accepting that and promising to work at it when it gets hard…it can work. (I’m still trying to convince myself of that….can you tell?)

3. I miss Los Angeles, more than once a week. I miss Mel’s Drive-in, I miss Venice, I miss Sharkeez at Hermosa Beach and the Poop Deck, I miss Tommy Trojan, Leavey Library and Mardi Gras apartments, I miss Dublin’s and Miyagi’s and the rest of Sunset, I miss Marty and Elaine, I miss karaoke at the Brass Monkey, I miss people watching at the Brown Derby, I actually miss the 101 (gasp!)….most of all I miss the people I left behind. Luckily, I still keep in touch with most of them. One of the great benefits of modern day technology – it makes it much easier to keep in touch.

4. I like to rearrange my furniture – often – I actually did this yesterday morning. And I like to do it by myself - gives me a Superwoman feeling for a couple hours.  I live in a small condo and don’t have much room so it’s sort of silly that I do this, but I get bored. Quickly. So this allows me to mix it up, make me feel like I got something new or have more room or something. I used to LOVE all kinds of things around..."knick knacks"….I’m in the process of decluttering my space and part of that is moving things around once I get rid of things (like those 30 candles I’ll never use, the desktop computer I haven’t used in 5 years, the miniature tea cups from my mom, the NFL pencils I got from the gumball machine in 7th grade – I had them ALL, my bank statements from 1996, you get the picture…)

5. I’ve never broken a bone and secretly, I want to….I think it’s an experience that I’m missing out on plus you get to be in the hospital and get taken care of for a little while. Shit…I’m all for breaking a bone. I’m curious how painful it is too. Knowing my luck, I’ll break a pinkie…that does nothing for me, who is going to take care of me because I broke the most useless flange we have?

6. I love my eye color and hope my children have it.

7. I love to dance and I love to play guitar, but I wish I did both better. The dancing I blame on my mother who put me in Park District classes for one session and never again – I could’ve been good if we weren’t so poor. The guitar I blame on myself – I taught myself for the most part and when I went for lessons and we got to barre chords I quit…it was hard. So now I just finger pick and dance in the dark and don’t know any song on guitar all the way through – except Love Me Tender.

8. I taught Sunday School when I was younger at a Methodist church in Addison, IL and when I was 5, I used to read the Bible and preach to my brother in the bathtub.

Optimistic spin: Hey, I learned a lesson on sharing!! And almost couldn’t stop myself.

RULE #3 (Almost done….thank GOD)

Well, I don’t think I read 15 blogs, so I’m not sure I can even bestow this honor upon 15 deserving blogs, but I will give it to those I read and love. 1. Laurenne @ Humans are Funny (she already has received it, but hey that doesn’t mean I can’t give it to her as well. 2. Meghan @ Blackberries to Apples (this was one of the first blogs I started reading) 3. Matthew @ The Oatmeal (HILARIOUS!!!) 4. Allie @ Hyperbole and a Half (EQUALLY HILARIOUS!!) 5. John @ Lost and Found, Fishing the Midwest (he’s my boyfriend and he doesn’t blog often, but I love reading it when he does – it’s one of those blogs that even if you aren’t familiar with the subject matter – fishing – it’s enjoyable to read because you can tell he loves it so much...I'm not biased...at all.) 6. Shaun @ Letters of Note (it is old letters from all kinds of people – really, really cool.) 7. Heather @ Things to Consider (she just started blogging, but she’s got a great sense of humor, so I hope she sticks with it and does it more often)

That’s all I’ve got – I recently found a bunch of new blogs, but I haven’t had a chance to read them all, but from what I have seen I like….so, check them out (alone...with cats, Are You Serious?, Best of Fates, bite the bedbugs, Dr. Strangemom, I Wear T-Shirts...Sometimes, Mama's Losin' It, The Bloggess, The Cryme Syndicate, THE IMPERFECT BLOG, The Pretend Writer)

RULE #4

Gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat……..sorry can’t blog anymore, I have to go gloat.

Optimistic spin: This entry is done. I now get to go dance around and say I won, I won, I won!! No one will know what I’m talking about – which makes it even better.

Day 148: SWF seeking Sex, Stocks and Spanish

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Day 147: Special Treat Blog

DAY 147 (Part Deux):  Since I've been sucking at blogging lately, I figured maybe I'll share one that isn't.  Friends of mine know....I hate the phone.  Hate it.  Always have.  There are many reasons why and I know some times it is necessary since a 3 minute phone call might be better than 127 texts....but this sort of explains some of it for those that always wonder why I never answer the phone.  Don't hate me, just accept me for who I am. 

10 Reasons to Avoid the Phone

While I write this I can hear every lovely sound my boss's computer makes because he has his sound turned so high that it would deafen a deaf man....ooo, he just got another email.  Optimistic spin:  Monday is almost over.

Day 147: Stripper Poles and Tivo have changed my life

DAY 147: In a world where no one watches live TV, can everyone just think before making a public announcement of something important – like the LOST finale? I was wary of signing onto facebook today as I assumed there would be water cooler chat about it, how can there not? Where are they? Why are they on the island? Who survives? Do they go back home? Who is the man in black? Well….I know none of these things and am actually more than a week behind. I fully plan to hunker down and watch them all tonight so that I can join in the conversation. Until then, I refuse to look at my “Most recent” news feed as I’m sure many people posted spoilers. And note to anyone who wants to talk about TV with me – I am also insanely behind on Vampire Diaries and FlashForward and have not yet watched the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy. Oh and I do not watch the Wednesday night’s American Idol results shows because I find them tedious and boring. (I’ve heard they are changing them to 30 minutes next season...took long enough.) I must say that as much as I love my TiVo, I am slowly learning there are some unforeseen consequences of not watching TV live and being able to fast forward through commercials. Last week I went to see Iron Man 2 (RDJ was awesome, as usual) and was ready, in my seat, for the previews (one of the best parts of going to the theater, in my opinion) – only the previews weren’t “pre”views per se – one was for a movie that was already out in the theaters and the others were for movies that opened that weekend and a couple weeks from now. I fondly remembered the times when the previews would actually be for movies that didn’t come out for 6 months or more, movies you might not have even heard were being made…I was highly disappointed.  Optimistic spin: Robert Downey, Jr. was worth the $10.

(Who is this woman with him?  If it's his assistant can someone please find out first how I get her job and second how I can get her to leave her job)

That money was well spent...unlike the money I spent on the boots I wore Saturday night. I spent Saturday night at an 80s themed bar crawl…where we walked from bar to bar. Tons of fun, but after bar #1, my feet began to feel the pain and the liquor wasn’t helping. So my friend, the wonderfully honest friend that she is, says “maybe spend more than $30 on your shoes and they won’t hurt.” Normally, she’d be right, but these particular boots I spent quite a good amount of money on – so I tell her this and call her a bitch….with a smile of course. She informs me that no shoes you spent good money on should hurt….really? I think she either has worn so many high heels her feet no longer have pain sensors because they are constantly numb or she is holding out on me and knows some sort of secret shoe brand that in fact, does not hurt. Regardless, I suffered through, throwing back more shots in an effort to not care – and it worked – at 2 am I placed my flip flops on my feet and continued on, so drunk I vaguely remember trying to talk to some guy who was talking shit to my friend…I called this guy Troy - that wasn’t his name….then comes Sunday morning when I could barely walk because the balls of my feet were in severe pain. Today, they are still suffering. The boots made the 80s outfit, so it was definitely worth it, but as I lay on my couch yesterday remembering bits and pieces from the night before (stripper pole, a band, mooning a busy street) and feeling inhuman from head to toe, I see this on the tv (I was NOT watching my TiVo and in fact, had on live TV) – a commercial for some miracle foot pain relieving cream….can it be true? 

I feel old or like a sweaty athlete using anything Gold Bond, but it’s not like I’m powdering up my schweaty balls….if anyone has tried this please let me know if it works otherwise I am going to hobble over to Walgreens today and take a $15 chance that it can cure my ails. Optimistic spin: I’ve learned I wasn’t as much of a blabbering idiot as I assumed, the boots will live to see another day (they are damn cute) and there are no pictures of me NEAR that stripper pole.

Day 134: I survived a night in County lock up

I cannot believe it’s been almost a month since I last blogged. This whole time I’ve been so busy with life (well, not mine really, helping other people with theirs…their birthdays, their moving, their kids, their drama) that I haven’t had a chance to just sit and write a little something, so I’ve been holding it all in, all that negativity, day after day, week after week, no wonder why I’ve been yelling at little kids to shut up on the train and tripping strangers just to get a laugh when they faceplant on the escalator. I even took a homeless man in a wheelchair’s change cup and dumped it in the river, surprise was it must have cured him from his paralysis because he jumped out of that chair and took off after me! Totally busted!!

Well to be honest, none of that happened, not in the real world at least – although I did think about doing all of those things and worse over the past few weeks. So the one thing I’ve learned from not blogging lately is that even if no one ever reads my rants, my raves, my mindless stream of consciousness chatter, it still serves a purpose…it prevents me from committing rude, mean, possibly criminal acts against other individuals and after eating bread and water the last day due to being sick – let’s just say – I’m not cut out for jail, so this is a good thing. Optimistic spin:  I did survive that one night in County lock up, so if my criminal acts land me in jail, I know I can survive at least one night….I pray the bail money comes through again.

DAY 134 (It’s starting to get hard to count these days): Today I am at work, I’ve been sick since Friday, even stayed home yesterday from work and spent 14 hours straight catching up on television shows…yes, FOURTEEN hours straight. I barely ate, drank or moved; correction: I had a few sips of water and toast and moved from my bed to the couch. At around 9 pm I thought it’d be safe to try a little real food….Ramen noodles….hey, it’s real food alright! So two minutes later, I’m eating my noodles, four minutes later the stomach gnomes are fist fighting and I instantly regret the ramen. So today when I wake up, I decide I’m going to work – no, I don’t feel better, but the “Man” only gives us lowly employees 5 sick days – seriously, if I were to catch pneumonia or a serious case of whatever this year’s trendy animal flu is, those sick days would be gone in a cinch. For some 5 days may be enough, but hey, I’m a sickly person and yes, before you do gooders ask…I DO take vitamins, daily, they don’t really make a difference, I still get sick – I think my immune system is lazy, much like me. Works only when it really, really has to. Or I could blame my mother for something she did or didn’t do when she was pregnant with me – blaming parents always seems to be a perfect out for life’s problems. Anyway, I’m at work, miserable and actually have work to do, so before I throw my laptop across the room for plotting against me when I’m sick, I’m going to blog, let it out and move on from this negativity. Optimistic spin:  I do not have swine flu or bird flu or Japanese encephalitis and still have a few sick days left in case I get it.   

I have to say, in addition to this surprising amount of anger I’ve had lately, I’ve actually been kind of sad as well and who knows, maybe they are linked. On Friday, I felt like my dog had died when in fact, I don’t have a dog and it didn’t die. I realized a day later, Friday was the anniversary of a friend’s death 11 years ago. It’s weird how your body/mind knows and reacts to these times of year when you yourself don’t consciously remember. I try never to think about it, the people I’ve lost. There was a time in my life when someone I loved was dying pretty much every year, sometimes more, young people, special people, vibrant, exciting people with a lot to learn and a lot to share that even though most of them didn’t make it past or even close to about 25, a lot to leave behind. I don’t dwell on the loss, or at least I try not to, I try to remember the good things about them, the happy things, but sometimes, you just can’t help but miss them, miss them so much that it’s all you can think about. And the problem is once I think about one of them, they all come back. It can get overwhelming so I push it back down into the little box of friends I’ll never see again until I can just pull one of them out, think about one of them at a time, put them back in that box, then in time, I’ll pull out another. The one good thing that has come from so much loss is that I appreciate those I do have so much more; unfortunately, I think it makes me worry so much more about them as well. Optimistic Spin:  At least they are there for me to worry about...what more could I ask for?

(I just realized this blog has no real point or story...sorry, I'll try better next post)

Day 112: I don't want to go to SEE-cock-asssssss

DAY 112: I’m in Newark (well technically Secaucus, pronounced SEE-kaw-kus, or in my Chicago accent SEE-cock-ass), New Jersey, my favorite place east of Pennsylvania and west of New York. Our cab driver was great – he quickly got us to the Meadowlands Plaza Hotel on Wood Avenue, problem was we were going to the Meadowlands Consumer Center on Plaza Drive. He didn’t speak English, just heard Plaza and said, yes, I know, here. Seriously….wtf! After a good amount of back and forth and the involvement of the Hotel bellhop, we convinced him this was NOT the place we needed and got him to take us to the right place, which was miles away on the other side of town. I’ve come to the conclusion that he must have been deaf as well – that would explain his blaring, ear-splitting obnoxious cell phone ring tone and Indian music on the radio. Music which he lowered when he took a phone call, but did not lower when my coworker had to take 2 phone calls. So pleasant. I’d really like to know where common courtesy has gone? Did it go out with poodle skirts? Or disco? Or was it more recently along with neon green sunglasses and Flock of Seagulls hair? Oh wait, those came back in style didn’t they?? Shall I expect common courtesy to follow? I’ll be on the lookout. Optimistic spin: While I was sitting at the airport waiting to board my flight to gorgeous NJ, I looked to my right and noticed there was a dog, just sitting there, not in a bag or anything (technically there was a bag, but his owner had let him out). I looked at him, he looked at me…I was stunned there was a dog next to me and that I didn’t even notice until I turned my head. He was SO well behaved. I pet him, we bonded. My co-workers came back with their food and sat across the aisle from him. Apparently, he REALLY wanted some of their food, so much so that he begged. Here’s what that looked like….honestly, this alone makes the trip to NJ worth it…bad food and all (oh, did I not mention – my room service not only f’ed up my order and brought me someone else’s food, the food they did bring me once the mistake was corrected SUCKED. I think someone was trying to tell me something by sending me the wrong food in the first place…i.e., never send back wrong food because yours is probably worse.) Optimistic spin: I can see the NYC skyline from my hotel window…the way tip of it, one small little part…it’s sort of not that cool though because I’m here, and it’s there – just the tip is all I get, and we all know just the tip is never enough.  It always leaves you wanting more (yes, I'm being dirty….)  Oh, here's that video of the begging puppy in the airport (give it a minute to load if it's not up yet): 

Day 110: Hello....is it Theodore you're looking for?

DAY 110: There was a moment this week and in that moment I felt excitement, fear, joy, dread, anticipation, hope, apprehension…all these emotions coursing through me I wasn’t sure what to do, so I did it – I sat down, pressed on and watched – unsure of what was in store for me…it was Tuesday and I had just learned that it was Elvis night on American Idol. Yes, I’m a huge Elvis fan, but as any TRUE fan knows, being a fan does not mean every cover of any song is something you want to hear – in fact, many many times, it isn’t. Like on American Idol for example. Just in case you doubt me – here are some prime examples:

Chicken Little (Kevin Covais) singing the epic song Part Time Lover by Stevie Wonder and even BETTER, Kristy Lee Cook doing possibly the WORST cover of a Beatles song to date with her rendition of Eight Days a Week.  Optimistic Spin: Without getting into a person by person critique of the performances, I want to say I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome – there were a couple that may have stirred Elvis in his grave, but I don’t think he FULLY turned over. That is of course assuming he’s even in a grave – I’m pretty certain he was in front of me in line at the SuperTarget last week buying bananas, peanut butter and a National Enquirer. (Just kidding – I’m not THAT kind of an Elvis fan).

And just to make up for the videos of bad covers, here’s a special treat from this week’s episode of Glee (possibly one of my all time favorite shows) covering a FANtastically cheesy yet awesome song by Lionel Richie...Hello

So other than my amusing look into cover songs, this week has been very stressful and not fun. As I stated in a previous post, Facebook and I have a love hate relationship – well, we’ve gotten more involved within the last week and I’d like to make an addendum to my previous post. In addition to the 10 things I learned, I’ve also learned Facebook is not a good way to learn that your sister has gotten engaged or that your Uncle has passed away. It breeds some SERIOUS anger issues that I am currently still working through. Of course, the anger does not stem solely from this, but it didn’t help. Optimistic spin: I’ve also learned some great things on Facebook, such as there is a band of robots that has shows, people love Saturdays, and apparently public "tweets" are being archived by the Library of Congress (sounds like a great use of resources.)

On final note – whichever neighbor posted this in my condo building….shame on you. How does this happen? The poor pudgy ferret is probably going to be found years from now when a suspicious odor is noticed emanating from the wall between the game room and Unit 721. Optimistic spin: I’ve searched my place and have not found Theodore – then again, maybe he’s in the wall between my place and the spa room?!!! New rule: No ferrets allowed in the building!