Day 152: Pity Participation Awards readily accepted...thank you!

DAY 152:  My blog has received an award. Yes, it’s true. The MOST versatile blogger award – it means, well, I’m not really sure what it means. In fact, it sort of feels like one of those awards every kid on the tee ball league gets just for participating, but since I’m technically just a tee ball player of sorts – in the blog world – I’m going to accept this award with a smile on my face and pretend I don’t know that it’s really just a participation award given to me by a friend and fellow blogger. Optimistic spin: This award means at least one person reads this blog. Yippee!!

As with everything else in this world, there are rules to accepting this award. Rules = Lame, but since I promised the giver of this prestigious honor I’d abide by these rules I must because even if I don’t like rules, I like liars even less…so, I must keep my word and be a rule-abiding individual at least for the day. Optimistic spin: It’s just a day, tomorrow, I’m going to loiter at the 7-11, jaywalk, turn on red between 4 and 7 p.m., and park my car on the street overnight….rebel, I know. Not everyone is as ballsy as me.

And now, to the RULZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ:

1. Thank the person who gave me this award.

2. Share seven things about myself.

3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who I deem fantastic.

4. Gloat all day long (by far the hardest rule of all….)

RULE #1

Thank you Laurenne from Humans are Funny. A girl, sorry, woman (now that she’s 30, I guess I should call her that) I’ve known since Hypercolor and MC Hammer pants were in style. She’s a human. She’s funny. She’s upfront. She’s a take no shit, awesome, adventurous person who started a blog when she was traveling around the world. You should read it if you don’t already. Start at the beginning – it gives you some sympathy when she’s complaining about living at the beach in Los Angeles currently. SOME sympathy. Honestly, she’s a pretty happy person. I don’t know how she does it. Oh and she loves men who speak Spanish and look like they should speak Spanish. Optimistic spin: I don’t live in L.A. so I only have to listen to her complain via the internet and I don’t have to meet the men she dates because I would not be able to communicate with them well since I don’t speak Spanish (see previous blog SWF seeking Sex, Stock, and Spanish)

RULE #2

Sharing. I don’t like sharing. From gummy bears to boyfriends, I don’t like to share things, but since I blog, I obviously don’t mind sharing thoughts, so I guess I can take it a step further and share seven scintillating things about myself.

1. I love monkeys. I love that they are stinky and throw poo. I think they are smart, funny and could watch them for hours and hours at the zoo. Hours and hours of watching them pick each other’s asses and bugs. I’d love to have a monkey, except for the fact that I recently saw a woman on the Today show that has no face because a monkey ripped it off. Hmmm….I’ll keep watching them from afar thanks.

2. My parents are divorced – a total of 5 times between the two of them. It’s amazing I still have any faith whatsoever in the institution of marriage. I didn’t for a while, but as I grow older and a little more optimistic, I think it can work, but it’s hard work…and I don’t believe anyone that says the opposite. I think if you go into it knowing that and accepting that and promising to work at it when it gets hard…it can work. (I’m still trying to convince myself of that….can you tell?)

3. I miss Los Angeles, more than once a week. I miss Mel’s Drive-in, I miss Venice, I miss Sharkeez at Hermosa Beach and the Poop Deck, I miss Tommy Trojan, Leavey Library and Mardi Gras apartments, I miss Dublin’s and Miyagi’s and the rest of Sunset, I miss Marty and Elaine, I miss karaoke at the Brass Monkey, I miss people watching at the Brown Derby, I actually miss the 101 (gasp!)….most of all I miss the people I left behind. Luckily, I still keep in touch with most of them. One of the great benefits of modern day technology – it makes it much easier to keep in touch.

4. I like to rearrange my furniture – often – I actually did this yesterday morning. And I like to do it by myself - gives me a Superwoman feeling for a couple hours.  I live in a small condo and don’t have much room so it’s sort of silly that I do this, but I get bored. Quickly. So this allows me to mix it up, make me feel like I got something new or have more room or something. I used to LOVE all kinds of things around..."knick knacks"….I’m in the process of decluttering my space and part of that is moving things around once I get rid of things (like those 30 candles I’ll never use, the desktop computer I haven’t used in 5 years, the miniature tea cups from my mom, the NFL pencils I got from the gumball machine in 7th grade – I had them ALL, my bank statements from 1996, you get the picture…)

5. I’ve never broken a bone and secretly, I want to….I think it’s an experience that I’m missing out on plus you get to be in the hospital and get taken care of for a little while. Shit…I’m all for breaking a bone. I’m curious how painful it is too. Knowing my luck, I’ll break a pinkie…that does nothing for me, who is going to take care of me because I broke the most useless flange we have?

6. I love my eye color and hope my children have it.

7. I love to dance and I love to play guitar, but I wish I did both better. The dancing I blame on my mother who put me in Park District classes for one session and never again – I could’ve been good if we weren’t so poor. The guitar I blame on myself – I taught myself for the most part and when I went for lessons and we got to barre chords I quit…it was hard. So now I just finger pick and dance in the dark and don’t know any song on guitar all the way through – except Love Me Tender.

8. I taught Sunday School when I was younger at a Methodist church in Addison, IL and when I was 5, I used to read the Bible and preach to my brother in the bathtub.

Optimistic spin: Hey, I learned a lesson on sharing!! And almost couldn’t stop myself.

RULE #3 (Almost done….thank GOD)

Well, I don’t think I read 15 blogs, so I’m not sure I can even bestow this honor upon 15 deserving blogs, but I will give it to those I read and love. 1. Laurenne @ Humans are Funny (she already has received it, but hey that doesn’t mean I can’t give it to her as well. 2. Meghan @ Blackberries to Apples (this was one of the first blogs I started reading) 3. Matthew @ The Oatmeal (HILARIOUS!!!) 4. Allie @ Hyperbole and a Half (EQUALLY HILARIOUS!!) 5. John @ Lost and Found, Fishing the Midwest (he’s my boyfriend and he doesn’t blog often, but I love reading it when he does – it’s one of those blogs that even if you aren’t familiar with the subject matter – fishing – it’s enjoyable to read because you can tell he loves it so much...I'm not biased...at all.) 6. Shaun @ Letters of Note (it is old letters from all kinds of people – really, really cool.) 7. Heather @ Things to Consider (she just started blogging, but she’s got a great sense of humor, so I hope she sticks with it and does it more often)

That’s all I’ve got – I recently found a bunch of new blogs, but I haven’t had a chance to read them all, but from what I have seen I like….so, check them out (alone...with cats, Are You Serious?, Best of Fates, bite the bedbugs, Dr. Strangemom, I Wear T-Shirts...Sometimes, Mama's Losin' It, The Bloggess, The Cryme Syndicate, THE IMPERFECT BLOG, The Pretend Writer)

RULE #4

Gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat, gloat……..sorry can’t blog anymore, I have to go gloat.

Optimistic spin: This entry is done. I now get to go dance around and say I won, I won, I won!! No one will know what I’m talking about – which makes it even better.

Day 148: SWF seeking Sex, Stocks and Spanish

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Day 147: Special Treat Blog

DAY 147 (Part Deux):  Since I've been sucking at blogging lately, I figured maybe I'll share one that isn't.  Friends of mine know....I hate the phone.  Hate it.  Always have.  There are many reasons why and I know some times it is necessary since a 3 minute phone call might be better than 127 texts....but this sort of explains some of it for those that always wonder why I never answer the phone.  Don't hate me, just accept me for who I am. 

10 Reasons to Avoid the Phone

While I write this I can hear every lovely sound my boss's computer makes because he has his sound turned so high that it would deafen a deaf man....ooo, he just got another email.  Optimistic spin:  Monday is almost over.

Day 147: Stripper Poles and Tivo have changed my life

DAY 147: In a world where no one watches live TV, can everyone just think before making a public announcement of something important – like the LOST finale? I was wary of signing onto facebook today as I assumed there would be water cooler chat about it, how can there not? Where are they? Why are they on the island? Who survives? Do they go back home? Who is the man in black? Well….I know none of these things and am actually more than a week behind. I fully plan to hunker down and watch them all tonight so that I can join in the conversation. Until then, I refuse to look at my “Most recent” news feed as I’m sure many people posted spoilers. And note to anyone who wants to talk about TV with me – I am also insanely behind on Vampire Diaries and FlashForward and have not yet watched the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy. Oh and I do not watch the Wednesday night’s American Idol results shows because I find them tedious and boring. (I’ve heard they are changing them to 30 minutes next season...took long enough.) I must say that as much as I love my TiVo, I am slowly learning there are some unforeseen consequences of not watching TV live and being able to fast forward through commercials. Last week I went to see Iron Man 2 (RDJ was awesome, as usual) and was ready, in my seat, for the previews (one of the best parts of going to the theater, in my opinion) – only the previews weren’t “pre”views per se – one was for a movie that was already out in the theaters and the others were for movies that opened that weekend and a couple weeks from now. I fondly remembered the times when the previews would actually be for movies that didn’t come out for 6 months or more, movies you might not have even heard were being made…I was highly disappointed.  Optimistic spin: Robert Downey, Jr. was worth the $10.

(Who is this woman with him?  If it's his assistant can someone please find out first how I get her job and second how I can get her to leave her job)

That money was well spent...unlike the money I spent on the boots I wore Saturday night. I spent Saturday night at an 80s themed bar crawl…where we walked from bar to bar. Tons of fun, but after bar #1, my feet began to feel the pain and the liquor wasn’t helping. So my friend, the wonderfully honest friend that she is, says “maybe spend more than $30 on your shoes and they won’t hurt.” Normally, she’d be right, but these particular boots I spent quite a good amount of money on – so I tell her this and call her a bitch….with a smile of course. She informs me that no shoes you spent good money on should hurt….really? I think she either has worn so many high heels her feet no longer have pain sensors because they are constantly numb or she is holding out on me and knows some sort of secret shoe brand that in fact, does not hurt. Regardless, I suffered through, throwing back more shots in an effort to not care – and it worked – at 2 am I placed my flip flops on my feet and continued on, so drunk I vaguely remember trying to talk to some guy who was talking shit to my friend…I called this guy Troy - that wasn’t his name….then comes Sunday morning when I could barely walk because the balls of my feet were in severe pain. Today, they are still suffering. The boots made the 80s outfit, so it was definitely worth it, but as I lay on my couch yesterday remembering bits and pieces from the night before (stripper pole, a band, mooning a busy street) and feeling inhuman from head to toe, I see this on the tv (I was NOT watching my TiVo and in fact, had on live TV) – a commercial for some miracle foot pain relieving cream….can it be true? 

I feel old or like a sweaty athlete using anything Gold Bond, but it’s not like I’m powdering up my schweaty balls….if anyone has tried this please let me know if it works otherwise I am going to hobble over to Walgreens today and take a $15 chance that it can cure my ails. Optimistic spin: I’ve learned I wasn’t as much of a blabbering idiot as I assumed, the boots will live to see another day (they are damn cute) and there are no pictures of me NEAR that stripper pole.

Day 134: I survived a night in County lock up

I cannot believe it’s been almost a month since I last blogged. This whole time I’ve been so busy with life (well, not mine really, helping other people with theirs…their birthdays, their moving, their kids, their drama) that I haven’t had a chance to just sit and write a little something, so I’ve been holding it all in, all that negativity, day after day, week after week, no wonder why I’ve been yelling at little kids to shut up on the train and tripping strangers just to get a laugh when they faceplant on the escalator. I even took a homeless man in a wheelchair’s change cup and dumped it in the river, surprise was it must have cured him from his paralysis because he jumped out of that chair and took off after me! Totally busted!!

Well to be honest, none of that happened, not in the real world at least – although I did think about doing all of those things and worse over the past few weeks. So the one thing I’ve learned from not blogging lately is that even if no one ever reads my rants, my raves, my mindless stream of consciousness chatter, it still serves a purpose…it prevents me from committing rude, mean, possibly criminal acts against other individuals and after eating bread and water the last day due to being sick – let’s just say – I’m not cut out for jail, so this is a good thing. Optimistic spin:  I did survive that one night in County lock up, so if my criminal acts land me in jail, I know I can survive at least one night….I pray the bail money comes through again.

DAY 134 (It’s starting to get hard to count these days): Today I am at work, I’ve been sick since Friday, even stayed home yesterday from work and spent 14 hours straight catching up on television shows…yes, FOURTEEN hours straight. I barely ate, drank or moved; correction: I had a few sips of water and toast and moved from my bed to the couch. At around 9 pm I thought it’d be safe to try a little real food….Ramen noodles….hey, it’s real food alright! So two minutes later, I’m eating my noodles, four minutes later the stomach gnomes are fist fighting and I instantly regret the ramen. So today when I wake up, I decide I’m going to work – no, I don’t feel better, but the “Man” only gives us lowly employees 5 sick days – seriously, if I were to catch pneumonia or a serious case of whatever this year’s trendy animal flu is, those sick days would be gone in a cinch. For some 5 days may be enough, but hey, I’m a sickly person and yes, before you do gooders ask…I DO take vitamins, daily, they don’t really make a difference, I still get sick – I think my immune system is lazy, much like me. Works only when it really, really has to. Or I could blame my mother for something she did or didn’t do when she was pregnant with me – blaming parents always seems to be a perfect out for life’s problems. Anyway, I’m at work, miserable and actually have work to do, so before I throw my laptop across the room for plotting against me when I’m sick, I’m going to blog, let it out and move on from this negativity. Optimistic spin:  I do not have swine flu or bird flu or Japanese encephalitis and still have a few sick days left in case I get it.   

I have to say, in addition to this surprising amount of anger I’ve had lately, I’ve actually been kind of sad as well and who knows, maybe they are linked. On Friday, I felt like my dog had died when in fact, I don’t have a dog and it didn’t die. I realized a day later, Friday was the anniversary of a friend’s death 11 years ago. It’s weird how your body/mind knows and reacts to these times of year when you yourself don’t consciously remember. I try never to think about it, the people I’ve lost. There was a time in my life when someone I loved was dying pretty much every year, sometimes more, young people, special people, vibrant, exciting people with a lot to learn and a lot to share that even though most of them didn’t make it past or even close to about 25, a lot to leave behind. I don’t dwell on the loss, or at least I try not to, I try to remember the good things about them, the happy things, but sometimes, you just can’t help but miss them, miss them so much that it’s all you can think about. And the problem is once I think about one of them, they all come back. It can get overwhelming so I push it back down into the little box of friends I’ll never see again until I can just pull one of them out, think about one of them at a time, put them back in that box, then in time, I’ll pull out another. The one good thing that has come from so much loss is that I appreciate those I do have so much more; unfortunately, I think it makes me worry so much more about them as well. Optimistic Spin:  At least they are there for me to worry about...what more could I ask for?

(I just realized this blog has no real point or story...sorry, I'll try better next post)