Day 134: I survived a night in County lock up

I cannot believe it’s been almost a month since I last blogged. This whole time I’ve been so busy with life (well, not mine really, helping other people with theirs…their birthdays, their moving, their kids, their drama) that I haven’t had a chance to just sit and write a little something, so I’ve been holding it all in, all that negativity, day after day, week after week, no wonder why I’ve been yelling at little kids to shut up on the train and tripping strangers just to get a laugh when they faceplant on the escalator. I even took a homeless man in a wheelchair’s change cup and dumped it in the river, surprise was it must have cured him from his paralysis because he jumped out of that chair and took off after me! Totally busted!!

Well to be honest, none of that happened, not in the real world at least – although I did think about doing all of those things and worse over the past few weeks. So the one thing I’ve learned from not blogging lately is that even if no one ever reads my rants, my raves, my mindless stream of consciousness chatter, it still serves a purpose…it prevents me from committing rude, mean, possibly criminal acts against other individuals and after eating bread and water the last day due to being sick – let’s just say – I’m not cut out for jail, so this is a good thing. Optimistic spin:  I did survive that one night in County lock up, so if my criminal acts land me in jail, I know I can survive at least one night….I pray the bail money comes through again.

DAY 134 (It’s starting to get hard to count these days): Today I am at work, I’ve been sick since Friday, even stayed home yesterday from work and spent 14 hours straight catching up on television shows…yes, FOURTEEN hours straight. I barely ate, drank or moved; correction: I had a few sips of water and toast and moved from my bed to the couch. At around 9 pm I thought it’d be safe to try a little real food….Ramen noodles….hey, it’s real food alright! So two minutes later, I’m eating my noodles, four minutes later the stomach gnomes are fist fighting and I instantly regret the ramen. So today when I wake up, I decide I’m going to work – no, I don’t feel better, but the “Man” only gives us lowly employees 5 sick days – seriously, if I were to catch pneumonia or a serious case of whatever this year’s trendy animal flu is, those sick days would be gone in a cinch. For some 5 days may be enough, but hey, I’m a sickly person and yes, before you do gooders ask…I DO take vitamins, daily, they don’t really make a difference, I still get sick – I think my immune system is lazy, much like me. Works only when it really, really has to. Or I could blame my mother for something she did or didn’t do when she was pregnant with me – blaming parents always seems to be a perfect out for life’s problems. Anyway, I’m at work, miserable and actually have work to do, so before I throw my laptop across the room for plotting against me when I’m sick, I’m going to blog, let it out and move on from this negativity. Optimistic spin:  I do not have swine flu or bird flu or Japanese encephalitis and still have a few sick days left in case I get it.   

I have to say, in addition to this surprising amount of anger I’ve had lately, I’ve actually been kind of sad as well and who knows, maybe they are linked. On Friday, I felt like my dog had died when in fact, I don’t have a dog and it didn’t die. I realized a day later, Friday was the anniversary of a friend’s death 11 years ago. It’s weird how your body/mind knows and reacts to these times of year when you yourself don’t consciously remember. I try never to think about it, the people I’ve lost. There was a time in my life when someone I loved was dying pretty much every year, sometimes more, young people, special people, vibrant, exciting people with a lot to learn and a lot to share that even though most of them didn’t make it past or even close to about 25, a lot to leave behind. I don’t dwell on the loss, or at least I try not to, I try to remember the good things about them, the happy things, but sometimes, you just can’t help but miss them, miss them so much that it’s all you can think about. And the problem is once I think about one of them, they all come back. It can get overwhelming so I push it back down into the little box of friends I’ll never see again until I can just pull one of them out, think about one of them at a time, put them back in that box, then in time, I’ll pull out another. The one good thing that has come from so much loss is that I appreciate those I do have so much more; unfortunately, I think it makes me worry so much more about them as well. Optimistic Spin:  At least they are there for me to worry about...what more could I ask for?

(I just realized this blog has no real point or story...sorry, I'll try better next post)