Day 311-633: Don’t You Forget about Me

DAY 311-633:  Change.  It’s really the only consistent in life.  If it weren’t for change we’d all be sitting in diapers shitting ourselves all day screaming for our mothers to feed us from their teet!  Thank God for change…I really don’t like my mother that much.  I mean, I love her, but I couldn’t imagine having to see her everyday and having to listen to her tone deaf ass singing me “Hush Little Baby” or even worse “Jesus Loves You.”  Yes, mom…this I know, for the Bible tells me so.   Sorry, I digress.  It’s just all those years of her telling me to “Keep the Faith” when I had problems…other than being a mediocre Bon Jovi song, that term has never given me any solace.  Moving on…  

Change…there’s been a lot of it for me lately.  I moved (albeit like 10 blocks…), I started playing Fantasy Football, I’ve gotten out of debt (woo-hoo!!...except for those blasted student loans), I won a turkey, I’ve lost a brother in law (to divorce, no worries, he’s still alive), I’ve learned to survive the College Football Bowl Season without USC, I’ve reconnected with old friends, I’ve started eating cottage cheese and drinking coffee with no sugar, I bought an iPhone….oh, and I had a baby!!!  Yep, a little baby boy…possibly the coolest, cutest, most awesome creature I’ve ever known.  And what can I say, this little boy has changed me…he’s made me lighter, well, not technically…technically I’m still holding onto those last 15 pounds as if I’m worried at some point in the future I’ll be starving and need to feed off my own body fat, but hey, that’s neither here nor there….I have a kid!   

Sometimes, it still doesn’t seem real…that this cute little boy is mine and that in a couple years he’ll be picking his nose and giving me his boogers and then a few years after that he’ll be yelling at me to cut the crusts off his PB&J and then a few years after that he’ll be hiding his Playboys from me (wait, what year am I at…I’m thinking like 11…too young?  Trust me, if you knew his father you’d say too old considering I think he was making out with a 21 year old at the age of 13…)  Pessimistic thought:  I’m pretty sure this is sexual abuse and the girl was probably fat, ugly, and obviously deranged.  Optimistic spin:  My boyfriend is a mack daddy…a miggity miggity mack!!  (thank you Kris Kross for your never ending contribution to the world).

But really, people I haven’t seen in a while ask me what I have been up to and I honestly say nothing, other than my baby…and surprisingly I’m okay with that.  For now.  Sure, I haven’t slept more than 4 hours at any given time, but I’ve learned patience – one thing I was never able to master on my own – among other things.  It’s just that I forgot about me, the things I did before this amazing being came into my life.  For a while all I saw myself as was his mom, I wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend, friend, sister or daughter…I was just his mom.  It was the weirdest feeling I’ve ever had.  I actually had to learn how to be those things again while still being his mom.  Thankfully, that all came back, and now I am learning how to be me, but the new me.   

This blog is the first thing I think I’ve done since he’s been born that is truly just for me…that in no way benefits him, my boyfriend, or anyone else…except for maybe you, the reader, but that’d be PRETTY arrogant of me to think I’m that important…well, I guess taking a shower just benefits me, but I’d like to think it benefits the people around me too, since they have to see and smell me.  So almost 6 months of selflessness…ha!  Who do I think I am, I am a selfish person, always have been…or I guess, always was.  Pessimistic thought:  Great, now people are going to try to take advantage of me and make me watch their mangy kids since they think I am nice now…Optimistic spin:  Maybe some of those kids will be old enough to clean my toilets and wash my dishes!!  Cinder-elly Cinder-elly, night and day it’s Cinder-elly.