Day Eighty-One: Out of observations? Why don’t you observe while I kick your ass.

DAY EIGHTY-ONE:  I’m sitting on a couch in lovely Perrysburg, Ohio – it’s a Friday, I’m supposed to be taking a “vacation” day, yet I am at my laptop working…fuck my life. So in an effort to beat the man, I am procrastinating and decided to blog rather than work…take that work! Good news is, life has been pretty good lately – I had a great trip to Las Vegas where I was whisked away to nights of open bars, clubs and shows, days of helicopter rides, picnics in the Grand Canyon and massages….oh and gambling….and winning. Plus it was all paid for – yes ALL paid for (but for the gambling – and the $15 drinks at the club.) Unfortunately, this doesn’t make for good blogging….but don’t fret, I tried to dig deep (didn’t have to go too far) for some worthy observations…. But before I do that….how awesome is this (minus the LAME Notre Dame shirt!!)??

So, I’m in the process of trying to refinance my condo – this would be the 3rd attempt at refinancing since October 2008 – why so many tries you ask? Well, incompetent, lazy people that either a) suck at their job and fail to get the refi done; b) don’t suck at their job, but are too lazy to do what needs to be done to get the refi done; OR c) literally have no options for me. The real estate market sucks right now and I’m not going to jump on the soapbox about it, but I have to say, it’s really, really screwed me! Of course it doesn’t help that I am not only trying to refinance a mortgage in order to remove someone from being on it, but also to lock in a conventional loan before my adjustable rate jumps my payments by hundreds of dollars….oh and did I mention that apparently the value of my condo has dropped almost $60,000 or more since October 2008. The magic of appraisals, right? Such bullshit! I’m not an appraiser nor am a real estate agent, but I have some idea as to how these “appraisals” are done….and for houses it makes sense. You look at the homes in the area that have sold, check what they sold for, compare those to your home and voila – you have a value.  For condos, it’s similar I guess – problem is….they don’t seem to take into account whether your building is as nice as that section 8 eligible building a mile away – only if the square footage is the same. It doesn’t matter that your building has security, a pool, a game room or that your condo has hardwood floors, marble bathroom or diamond encrusted door handles (I don’t have these, but I doubt it would matter)…if they are both 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, they are comparable. Fuck my life (I recently came across a website called Fuck My Life….it’s awesome and gives me a good dose of “your life could be worse.”)  So, long story not so short – I may not be able to refinance which means, my ex may be on my mortgage until I sell or die, whichever comes first – oh and my payment might double by next year – better start selling my body for cash – what does a good blowjob go for these days?? Optimistic spin: I am not six months pregnant and pissing myself every time I sneeze.

One last thought: Why is when someone is really, really busy at work, they say they are swamped. I’m guilty of said usage as well, but lately I’ve been noticing it is under threat of severe over-usage. Technically, swamped would be derived from the word swamp which is an area of land that is fairly large, always wet, overgrown with plants, bugs, alligators…not sure how or when this word became a verb in the English language synonymous with being overwhelmed or busy at work, but it is - it's actually in the dictionary with this definition. There has to be a better word – if you insist on using a word of nature – what about tornado? Tornadoes are at least frantic, destructive, overwhelming….much more so than a swamp. So the next time you are busy at work and someone asks you to do something else….just tell them “I really can’t, I’m tornadoed over here…sorry.”  If they didn’t think you were crazy before, they will now – and really, isn’t that the fun….looking crazy when you really aren’t?  Or am I?  Optimistic spin: I have never been stuck in a tornado – literally. Wouldn’t mind chasing some though and if I'm crazy, at least it's fun.